In Pain and In Pieces

The Month in Review:

I found a new job, so I quit my old job. Much to the confusion of most of the world.

I took a couple of weeks off.

Day 2 into my couple of weeks off, I contemplated a puppy.

Got Boyfriend on board, with the understanding that he got the color he wanted, and that this one would be 'his' (Quote: "I want one that looks like a bear!").

Found a black headed tri puppy from a rescue group. Rescuer didn't think that that puppy's personality would work with Caleb's, and suggested another puppy.

Very respectfully said: "Thank you very much, but part of the Puppy Agreement with Boyfriend was that he got what he was looking for in a puppy. Obviously making sure a puppy gets along with Caleb is critical, so we will take our time to find just the right one with the personality that compliments Caleb, and that looks like a bear for Boyfriend. We are not in a hurry, so we'll keep looking".

Got flamed on the interwebs for not taking any puppies from this rescuer. Should not have felt like an ass. Felt like one anyway.

Took Caleb in for his wellness check. Found out he was having pain in his hind end. I had no idea. He never whined or limped, just INSISTED we all leave his hind end alone thankyouverymuch. Turns out that IS a symptom in a stoic little Corgi such as mine.

Tried not to die right there on the floor of the vet's office. Possibilities: early onset arthritis from some trauma I knew nothing about in his prior life or an assortment of disk problems. Or a whole slew of other horrible things that the Google machines suggested. Tried not to die at home in front of the computer.

Got Caleb started on chiropractor visits and glucosamine.

Started my new job. Like it! The "I HATE MY JOB" stress that has plagued me for 3+ years left.

Found out Boyfriend had a nasty stomach infection, required a procedure. Couldn't be there for said procedure because it occurred 3 DAYS into new job. No job stress left just in time to make room for: 'IAMAHORRIBLEDOGGYMOMMY AND IAMAHORRIBLEGIRLFRIEND OMG I AM GOING TO CURL UP AND DIE' stress. Boyfriend came through the procedure just fine, was given monster meds and told everything would clear up. He took that to mean he could run a marathon three days later, so he did.

The men in my life are determined little boogers, if nothing else, and I am beginning to think they enjoy driving me nuts with worry.

Caleb got knocked out for x-rays of his hips and lower back and electrical stimulation to the muscles in his hind end. Boyfriend had to take him in in the morning because I had to go to work, and preferred not to show up blubbering like a fool and covered in runny mascara, as has only been there three weeks and that is entirely too soon to demonstrate to my new coworkers just how crazy I really am.

Caleb came through everything just fine. The nurse said that the x-rays of his hips look good and that the problem is with a disk in his back. The Dr. is going to follow up with me on Monday to go over everything in more detail. Three homeopathic prescriptions for pain and weakness in the hind end, instructions to continue the glucosamine and chiropractic treatments, and possible doggy physical therapy to strengthen the muscles in his hind end, and we were on our way home.

In some ways, I feel better.

I know Caleb has this problem with a disk in his back, and he is young. I can take steps to mitigate the problem now. If nothing else, I am a girl with a plan. Oh yes, we have a plan. The chiropractor and the acupuncture and the meds will help with the nerve pain. I put up baby gates to keep him from flying up and down the stairs 17 times a day and we are working on him following me up the stairs at a walking pace, rather than at mach 5.

He started the new meds yesterday, but he has been on glucosamine for almost a month now, and has had 2 chiropractic visits. I thought I noticed that he had more energy within a couple of weeks with the glucosamine, then dismissed myself as being biased. Then my instructors and the folks I train with in Nose Work mentioned how he seemed different, happier last week. He also seems somewhat less sensitive to folks touching his rear. So hopefully the new meds will add to the glucosamine and we can strengthen his muscles in the rear and mitigate whatever damage we cannot reverse. So, like I said, in some ways I feel better.

But in some ways, I feel worse.

Logically, I know we generally outlive our dogs. It is the other side of the dog ownership coin. We do not get the joy and the enrichment to our lives that a dog brings without the knowledge that, at some point, the despair, loss, and pain -that will be so vast it will seem to swallow us whole- will commence when we have to let them go. You simply cannot let the living and breathing perfection that is a dog prance into your life, coat every flat surface in your house with hair and otherwise generally make you wonder how humans ended up with the job of running the world when it is blatantly obvious that the dogs have it all figured out, without the agony of losing them when their time on this earth is complete. You can avoid it entirely of course, you will not mourn a dog you never had...but you won't have lived much at all without one. So I know that there will come a day when I have to let go of the dog who can see into my soul.

But not now, damnit. Not yet. It is too soon for hind end weakness and nerve pain and meds. I want to shout to the heavens that they have screwed up. That this is a diagnosis for old dogs, old dogs who have had good, long lives, and now it is just time for them to settle down into their golden years and take it easy from here on out. Caleb will be 4 some time in January. He is too young.



It is too damned soon.